Nighttime Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's prominent comedians devoted their broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... destroys each thing he touches."

The subject was the controversial program that enables overseas individuals to buy U.S. residency for the price of a million dollars, with a "premium" option for 5 million. An official portal guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"One note for you to rich applicants: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "get cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The most thorough background check the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining poll ratings during economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to address affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of food items, and behaved strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.